Everyone who wants to make a mod wants it to be a popular as Counter-Strike. They want the fame, the fortune, the fans, and/or the flames. That’s why searching on Google for “hl mod” gives 5 million results, and 95% of the mods listed are touting themselves as “better than Counter-Strike.”

Below I reveal the secret “10-step process” that these CS beaters use.

1. Think of a cool name

The most important step of all. You need a really cool name for your mod. Preferably, this name will either (a) make no sense at all, or (b) instantly describe what the mod is all about. Since we haven’t decided what the mod is all about, it has to be (a). Using the words ‘urban’, ‘strike’, ‘super’, ‘fire’ or ‘attack’ (or any combination of those) is essential. Use of the letter ‘X’ and hyphens may also be appropriate. Alternatively, look on a chemistry website for a cool-sounding compound and use that.

2. Make a website

No mod is complete without a website. Typically this will consist of an overdone title image at the top (with a gun somewhere in the picture), a list of links like “News, Media, Team, Files, Screenshots, Downloads, Videos, Forums, FAQ.” Note that only the “news” page works, and the remaining links are there simply to fill up space.

3. Hire as many people as you can as fast as you can

Without people to make a mod, you’ll never have a mod! Go onto as many level design, game programming and game fansites as you can, head for their forums and post things like this:

Join my mod I’m making a mod and I need: 4 programmers, 5 mappers, 6 modellers, 2 animators, 2 sound makers

The mod is a secret but I can promise it’ll be more popular than cs!!!!!!!1111/1!!!

And await responses like this:

hi i’ve just learned how to make a map can i join your mod!!!!!!!!!

Once you’ve got 5 lua programmers, 10 ‘i-made-my-house’ mappers, 1 ‘maya?’ modeller/animator, and a guy who’s got a pirated copy of Cool Edit, you’re all set.

4. Tell them what to do

Tell the programmers to code some new weapons with some cool special effects and fancy graphics. Tell the modeller to make weapon models, player models, item models, textures, HUD art, website art, and a customised avatar for you. Tell the mappers to make some maps (that’s all you need to tell them), and tell the sound maker to find some cool music (‘Tool’, ‘KoRn’ or a FruityLoops demo track are all ideal.) On the back of a napkin, draw your own concept drawings of big, muscle-bound soldiers and put these in the ‘screenshots’ area of your website.

5. Work out what you need

This is quite easy. You need at least 20 weapons, 20 maps, 20 player models, 20 sounds, 20 game modes and 20 ‘fans’ registered on your forum.

6. Post news

Don’t ever forget your website! It is the hub of all information about your mod. It’s where everyone will download it from. It’s where your fans mingle. It’s where you put your multiple Google Adsense banner ads.

Every few days, badger your mod slaves to send you a cool screenshot of what they’re doing. A rendered model of a gun or an obscure pickup will work. Dress the screenshot up with the mod name and invent a logo. Overbrighten it. Say that everyone is hard at work and you’re still looking for people to hire.

7. Work out what your mod is all about

Now is the time to spend 5 minutes thinking about how your mod will play. It’s definitely got to be team-based, and consist of teams going around in packs using SAS-like maneouvres to out-think and out-gun the enemy team, just like in the movies. It needs lots of weapons (several of which are functionally identical) that make cool ‘zap’ sounds and look completely impractical. Make sure the gamepla- oh there’s something on the telly.

Under no circumstances give the rest of the team any of the above information. Simply tell them it’s a secret, it’s going to be “better and bigger than Counter-Strike” and that they should be spending less time at school and more time working on your mod.

8. Hire new team members

For some reason the old ones don’t appear on MSN anymore and are ignoring your e-mails. They were crap anyway and made everything wrong - it was nothing like what you expected. Get some fresh talent in.

9. Make your mod.

No explanation necessary, this bit is really easy peasy indeed.

10. Release your mod

This step is irrelevant.